I graduate college a month from today.
I guess I should be both terrified and excited about this. After all, it’s what I’ve been working towards for the past four years. But at this point, I’m not either of those things. Right now, all I feel is stressed.
The amount of stress that I’m under is like nothing I’ve ever had to go through before. Huge group projects, incredibly complex papers, and finals are to be expected at the end of a semester, but add that to the fact that I also have an internship, a capstone portfolio, poster, interview, and presentation to complete, and my LEED Green Associate exam to study for which I stupidly scheduled for three days before graduation? It’s no wonder I’ve started having nightmares.
I haven’t seen my friends in months. Some days I avoid looking in the mirror for fear of not recognizing the face staring back at me. I have no time to do anything but write, study, read, teach, sleep, and repeat. Whenever I do take an hour to watch South Park or Slumdog Millionaire (my newest obsession) and eat something, I get anxiety about not working.
I graduate college a month from today, and right now I’m not excited about it. I feel like I’m running a race and while everyone is telling me to be excited about almost crossing the finish line, I’m stuck to the asphalt and have to focus on getting myself free so I can continue running.
Why am I wasting valuable time writing this? Other than to vent to someone other than my amazing boyfriend, who hears me cry and bitch and moan every single day, I write it to explain why I am going to leave social media for a while and focus on these last four weeks. Anyone who wants to stay in touch, please call or text.
A few songs that are in my head right now:
“There’s only us. There’s only this. Forget regrets or life is yours to miss. No other road. No other way. No day but today. There’s only now. There’s only here. Give in to love or live in fear. No other path. No other way. No day but today.”
No day but today. I’ll get through this by taking it one day at a time.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a diploma to receive and an accreditation to earn.
I’ll join the real world again soon.