This blogpost was originally called “A Hellish Week,” because at first, that’s exactly what it was in my head. When I went back to read some of what I had spewed onto the paper (screen?), words written with irritation and anger and sadness, it became very clear to me which one of my wolves I was feeding.
So I gathered some perspective and tried to describe my week again.
This past week didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to, but then when does anything really go according to our plans?
But for every book I meant to read and didn’t touch, there are plenty of opportunities for me to finish them another time.
For every arrogant, belligerent man that screams at me for no reason after he refuses to stop walking down the middle of a narrow dirt road, leaving me no choice but to politely go around him – for every senseless, angry remark he may try to make to me about how I need to slow down even though I drive the speed limit, there are three times as many loving friends that encourage me to let it go and advise me on how to stop his harassment.
For every time I have a terrible scare with one of my horses falling and being unable to get back up for a few minutes, there are countless other instances with all of them that make me laugh and rejoice in my work.
For every rude, pushy client of my mother’s that calls her work phone eleven times in five minutes and tries to bully me when I finally grab the phone to tell her no, she’s not available and please leave a message, there are many more understanding customers out there that would simply leave a voicemail instead.
For every driver that runs a red light and nearly kills an innocent driver, there are twice as many bystanders that run to the scene of the crash to pry the door open and console the driver – in this case, my brother – until the paramedics come.
For every time I have to see my brother in his neck brace, for every picture I took of his wrecked car, including interior shots that portray the shattered glass and splattered blood on the seats, door, and airbag, I will have many more pictures to come of him living and enjoying his life.
And for every hellish week I have had and might have again, I have my ranch family, my parents and siblings, and the little family of my own to see me through it: My ornery little kitty, who knows when her mommy is sad and losing her mind, and my amazing boyfriend who cleans our entire apartment alone when I want to nothing more than curl up in bed for the afternoon and dances with me in our kitchen to no music to make me smile.
I heard a quote once about how life is like a song: You need both the ups and downs to make a melody. I’ve always thought that sounded really nice, but lately I’ve been thinking that I want to take things one note at a time, so to speak. Just as you can’t listen to a song that hasn’t been written yet, you can’t look ahead at your life and expect things to turn out a certain way based on your current situation.
For every time I want to feed that wolf that spews resentment and anger, I will try to push myself to feed the other one instead.