This is Why I Hated Working Retail

February 4, 2016 § Leave a comment

I’d like to nominate the guy recently in front of me in line at CVS as the Biggest Jerk in the World. I ran over to the store earlier to grab candy (because why not) and went to stand in line to check out. It was something like 8 o’clock, there was one cashier, and the line was really long.

Anyway. So I’m standing in line when his older, overweight, reeks-of-smoke-and-God-knows-what-else man in front of me has his cart full of like six items (grape juice, some bread, sugary cereal, trivial stuff) and he is clearly irritated that the line is so long and moving slowly. I’ll call him Crusty. He’s shifting weight, huffing and puffing like he’s the freaking bad wolf in the Three Little Pigs, glancing at his watch, and – I kid you not – is irritably pushing his cart like inches away from the woman in front of him. Like if she were to take half a step backwards she would run into his cart. And when the lady in front of him gets to the counter and starts checking out, instead of waiting behind her like a decent person, Crusty starts putting his items on the counter too, right next to hers.

The lady has two transactions or just has a lot of items or whatever so it takes an extra minute. This freaking a-hole looks ready to have a stroke. Finally it’s his turn, and the cashier very nicely thanks him for his patience, asks how his day is going and if he found everything alright. His response? He grunts, “That gonna be 20% off, correct?”

Cashier: “The bread? Yes, it should be. It’ll take the discount off right at the very end.”

She finishes ringing up his items. Crusty squints at the screen. “It’s supposed to be 20% off.”

Cashier: “Yes, right you are! The bread is 20% off. But unfortunately not the entire sale.”

Crusty: -mumbles something about that not being made very clear and how deceiving CVS is-

Cashier: “I’m so sorry for the confusion. I’d be happy to void the transaction and ring up the 20% items for you.”

Crusty: -glances behind him at the long line. “No, no. Whatever.”

Cashier: “Are you sure? Because–?”

Crusty: “No, forget it. The line is long, and I just don’t understand why you don’t have more than one person working this damn line.”

Cashier: -still cheerfully- “I’m very sorry, sir. I do have another cashier, but she’s checking something for a customer for the moment. She should be back shortly–”

Crusty: “Not my problem.” -takes out a card and swipes at the machine-

Casher: -flinching- “Oh, I see you have a chip card! Go ahead and put it into the machine.”

Then, I kid you not, the chip is weird or something so the guy’s card won’t go through at first. The cashier nicely asks him to try again and at this point, Crusty starts snapping about how his card is perfectly fine, he only got it a month ago, and it’s the only card he uses, and this whole experience is so inconvenient for him. At this point I’m staring at him in disbelief and mouthing to the cashier, “What is with this guy?” I’m pretty sure everyone else is, too.

So finally the poor cashier gives him his receipt and very nicely tells him to have a wonderful night. Crusty snatches his receipt and puts his stuff in his cart and starts waddling away.

I go up to the counter.

“Thank you so much for your patience,” the cashier said, with the same cheerful smile, as she started ringing up my items.

I answered, very loudly. “You’re welcome. Because, you know, you have absolutely nothing to do with the long line.” And this lovely lady proceeded to ask about my Ohio State sweatshirt and have a nice conversation with me. You know what absolutely killed me? Somewhere in our conversation she said, “People just aren’t very happy today. He isn’t the first this evening.”

The icing on the cake? Crusty tailgated me out of the CVS parking lot.

I don’t care if this asshole was having a bad day. I don’t care if his entire family got picked off by dragons after destroying everything he owned. You don’t treat other people with such horrible rudeness and disrespect. There are absolutely no excuses in the world for spreading such nastiness.

Yes, yes, I know that people who are clearly in need of love and kindness are the ones who deserve it the least. But honestly. More often than not I feel they need a slap in the face.


Things I Wanted to Say to Customers At Work But Couldn’t

November 10, 2013 § Leave a comment

I’m transferring over a blogpost I wrote last November from another blogsite – enjoy!


I love my job. Let me make that clear right off the bat. I’ve worked retail since I was legally able to, and this current job I have is one awesome gig for me right now. I love working with people, I love ringing customers up and talking to them, and I love making our store look pretty. My coworkers rock, and my boss is seriously one of the coolest people I’ve ever met.

This past weekend, however, was a tough two days. My store had a big sale that brought in lots of customers. Like, ten times our usual daily amount. And let me tell you, while about 75% of the customers I had were just awesome, the other 25% really threw me. Apparently the holidays bring out the worst in people.

And so, without further ado, here are some of the comments that I had to deal with over the weekend (that were said in angry, condescending, snotty, and/or outright rude tones, by the way, and during crazy busy periods) and my responses that I would have loved to actually say in my moments of frustration:


Customer as he/she comes to my register with a basket load of items: “I’m in a hurry.”

“Oh, you are? How inconvenient. Let me just move ten times faster than the speed of light to accommodate you. Oh wait – looks like I can’t do that. So sorry. Your lack of planning does not constitute an emergency on my part. You’ll wait or you’ll leave. Your choice.”

Customer: “What do you mean, you don’t have any more of xyz? That’s ridiculous. I drove all the way from [insert distant land here] to get xyz.”

“Yes, because I am clearly responsible for the lack of that particular product in our store. Please continue to take out your frustration on me, by all means, while I try to answer the phone and check people out and look for other products all at the same time. Get on our freaking waiting list. Maybe you shouldn’t have waited till the last minute to get something that everyone in the entire city came to our store for.”

Customer: -throws coupons/money/products at me over the counter without saying a word-

“Wow. What kind of piece of crap do you think you are? How about you look up from your freaking phone for a second and hand that stuff to me like a decent human being, if you’re capable of doing that.”

Customer: “I just wish you had a better selection of xyz. I mean, what you found [i.e., what I just spent 20 minutes looking for] is okay, but it’s not perfect.”

“Make up your mind. Seriously. I don’t have time for this.”

Customer: “That’s so expensive! It seriously costs that much? You’ve got to be kidding me! That’s so ridiculous!”

“That’s our price. If you don’t like it, don’t buy it. Stop whining and go to another store. Stop wasting my time.”

Customer: “But I thought this coupon was for [a certain percentage] off. Why won’t you give me a discount? This is so stupid!”

“That’s not what the coupon says. I’m not giving you a discount because you misunderstood it. The terms and conditions are right there under your nose. Learn to read.”

Customer, after she has kept us waiting twenty minutes after we were supposed to be closed because she took her sweet time choosing what she wanted: “Oh, I have five coupons for you plus a coupon on my phone that was sent to my email and I’d like those ornaments individually wrapped and I’m going to give you $109.89 in exact change.”

“Okay, no. No no no and no. You can’t be serious. Oh, you are serious. Yeah, [coworker]? We’re not getting out of here for another hour.”

Creepy Ass Mother Effer Old Man Dude over the phone, after dealing with him for an hour in the store and after I told him I “felt” (i.e. understood) his frustration over a misunderstanding: “Well, I haven’t felt you, but that is beside the point.”

“What the actual living fuck.”

“Ewwwwww ewwww ewww freaking EWWWW.”

“I will be terminating this call now.”

“You gave me your address in the store. The police are on their way to your house now. Have a nice day.”

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